Louisville vs. Kentucky

CATS VS CARDS: IS IT THE BIGGEST RIVALRY IN COLLEGE SPORTS?

Louisville and Kentucky basketball renew their rivalry Saturday at 4 p.m. in the KFC YUM! Center and on CBS Television. The Cards, #3 in the nation, are favored this year...for the first time in about a bazillion years.

This worries me. I've gotten used to Louisville being the underdog in the game. Ever since
John Calipari arrived in Lexington and set up his NBA Training program, the Cats have had a succession of "one and done" players breeze in and out of Rupp Arena that would rival patrons walking in and out of the Starbucks on Shelbyville Road. Without mocha delights.

I haven't followed this UK team very closely this year. Normally, I do like to have a broad-based familiarity on whose going to kick the crap out of my Cardinals...and I understand that
this particular Wildcat roster is not in the top-25.

They're probably not getting paid as much as the previous state employees either.

I have heard about the guy in the middle, Nervous Noel. Or Naworleans Noel. Whatever. My buddy "The Solo-Man" who lives and breathes Cardinal men's hoops tells me that he's OK around the hoop but the Cats will have trouble getting the ball to him because of our guards Russdiculous and Peyton. (What...they're going to take him to Waffle House)?

I understand UK also has a pretty good guard named Archie Goodwin. What a great sports name!

"Hey, Archie. Good win!"

I also think of my pal Bread Boy, who's first name is Archie. He's a big UofL fan. Then, there's Archie, Jughead, Betty and Veronica. Along with Nervous Noel, I assume that's
the UK starting lineup...

I am fond of this UofL team. They seem to be very talented , deep, prolific at scoring and they like grits, eggs, waffles and sugar. That gets a big O.K.! from me.  

The coaches...well, the only other thing that I'll say about them is this:

Sonja and I were in Memphis several years ago to attend a UofL vs. Memphis football game. This was the year we found a tailgate party for Newby's (a popular Memphis bar/restaurant)  that was being held in this big warehouse-type building, music blaring...fans of both schools having fun and dancing to recorded music.

It was near the lot we were tailgaiting in at the Liberty Bowl. Since her maiden name was
Newby...we went to go check it out and happened to run into the guy who owns Newby's and was running the tailgate. He invited us in, gave us food and drink wristbands at no charge an even a blue Memphis t-shirt with the Tigers and Newby's logo on it. I was talking
to a Memphis fan whose table we were sitting at and he mentioned that he saw we had
gotten Rick Pitino to come to Louisville. I'll never forget his words.

"Ya know, now that you got Pitino, it means that neither UofL or Memphis have basketball coaches anymore (referring to then-head Memphis coach John Calipari). What we have is
a couple of Italian Salesmen."

Louisville won the game that evening and we decided to check out his resataurant/bar after the contest. It was full of twenty-somethings and they had a rapper DJ. We didn't stay long.

So, in today's game, I'll watch and see which salesman has the best product to promote. Even though I'm worried about the Cards chances, I do think they have the superior talent.
I hope it shows up.

Cards 88 - Cats 83.

-Paulie

I guess the city of Lexington is waiting for the Joker to be removed from the crumbling deck of cards that is know as UK Football. On the surface, a lot of UK fans feign indifference about the gridiron program...especially now that basketball is so close. Deep down, you know it irks them.

USF recently ran an open forum for questions to be submitted to embattled football coach Skip Holtz and possibly to be answered on his weekly radio show. The Bulls are 2-4 and 'Mama ain't happy in Tampa, boys...' Some of the questions were hilarious and most will never make the airwaves.

So, in that same vein, here a list of questions that could be fun for Joker Phillips to wade through on his weekly football show. Enjoy!

Hey Coach, Do you wake up most mornings, look in the mirror and mutter, "Dude, u suck!" ?

Dear Coach Phillips. I have a small piece of property outside some swamp land in Arkansas. With the real estate market the way it is, I'm willing to build a small cabin on it, equip it with an outhouse and will consider running electricity and water to the property. If I turn the deed over to you, would you kindly get the f&^% out of Lexington?

Joker. Are you part of a Communist or Tea Party plot to undermine morals, corrupt the youth and ruin football at UK?

Coach, did your panties get in a uproar and all moist in Fayetteville last week, bitch?

Hey loser! Would you please get in your pimpmobile, wipe that s#!$-eating grin off your face and kindly get on I-75 South and never return?

Hi, Mr. Butthead! You are an epic fail of huge proportions. Do you still have a penis?

Do you like Spaghetti-O's? I love them! I often eat them straight out of the can! Maybe you could come over and we could eat them and look at my picture collection of shot-putters? I would like to see UK Football but I can't leave the house because I poopie all the time. Could you bring the team over to play in my backyard? Or could you put a toilet on the sidelines at Commonwealth and maybe I could sit there, go poopie and watch? I love Spaghetti-O's!

How much did Charlie Strong pay you to throw the season?

Hi, Coach! I coach a 4th grade team at St. Blessed Fish Fry and I think I have some plays that my kids run that could be of some help to you. Or, I could lend you a few of my players?

I have been a UK football fan since the days of Blanton Collier. I am so disgusted with this year's team that I have started to build a small nuclear device in my shed. What's the address of the UK Football office?

Bozo. Would you please put the crack pipe down and just walk away from it?

Is it true that John Calipari had you served with a restraining order to keep you 500 yards away from anything that has to do with UK Basketball? How's life on Shit Avenue?

Have a great Wednesday! I'm going to go warm up some Spaghetti-O's now, Bye bye!
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