CHARLIE STRONG DECIDES TO STAY IN LOUISVILLE
All the drama that has swirled around the football program and head coach Strong has now
finally been abated with Strong's announcement that he's turned down the offer to coach
the Tennessee Volunteers and remain at Louisville. On the surface, this appears to be very
good news for UofL football, athletic director Tom Jurich and the community as a whole.
I was able to talk to a top-secret source at UofL yesterday, though...and the terms for re-
negotiating his contract are...well...simply unbelievable! Here's what my clandestine
informant told me.
1) Charlie will now be mandatorally referred to in all media releases as: "The Great and Powerful Strong...seer of seers, divine light shining brightly above us all and best thing that ever happened
to Louisville" Good luck in getting all that in an article, on a business card or on his office door.
2) Charlie will receive a raise and will be paid in cash. Daily. In one, five and ten dollar bills...
to be delivered by knights dressed in armor...riding shiny, strapping white stallions. By 9 a.m.
3) Papa John's Cardinal Stadium will be re-named "The House that Charlie Built" and all patrons
who attend will be required to bow and genuflex in front of Charlie Strong life-sized statues...which
will be placed at every entrance, in every restroom and in front of each beer stand.
4) The teams' football uniform jerseys will have a smiling image of Charlie on the front and his
current net financial worth (updated for each game) on the back. No player names anymore and
player's numbers will be written in with eraseable magic markers...at coach's discretion and subject
to change without prior notice. The helmets will feature the Cardinal Bird kissing Charlie's feet.
5) Two holidays a year will be set aside to celebrate him. His birthday and the day he decided to
stay at Louisville. All state and local governmental offices will be closed and cars will be banned
from highways. All local television stations will pre-empt regularly scheduled programming and
devote 24 hours of coverage to Charlie. Paul Rogers is expected to emcee.
I think these are pretty great ideas and wish Charlie the best of luck in getting these implemented.
After all, football is king and we now have a royal figure for life now in Coach Strong.
Meanwhile, in Lexington.....